Imperfection
by The Atomic Cafe
Summary: During Stealing Home. Stella can't handle what Mac's done.


**Imperfection**

**By Dimgwrthien**

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI: NY or affiliates.

Laura, handcuffed and being dragged along the sidewalk into the cop car, glared back at Mac again. Stella glanced at her, then turned her back enough to look only at Mac. His cheek was slightly reddish from where she slapped him.

"You alright?" she asked, watching him run lightly at his cheek, then put his hands down as though to make it seem less noticeable. "How'd you know she was going to hit you?"

"I didn't," he admitted. "I just thought she'd give me a punch on the arm or something." His hand drifted back to his cheek, still rubbing. "I'm fine."

She clapped his shoulder. "Sorry, Mac, but you deserved that."

It was the simplest way she could say it to him. His remarks to Laura about killing her boyfriend hit too close to home, and as much as she tried to hide it, she knew that someone had to have noticed her face. Laura looked just as disturbed at how easily Mac spoke about it.

"What?" he asked, looking distracted.

"Why the hell did you say that to her?" Stella snapped, fighting to keep her voice low enough that no one around could hear what she was saying.

"Stella, she _did_ kill her boyfriend. It may have been a while ago, and it could have been in self-defense, but it was still murder." He searched her eyes for a moment, seeing that she wouldn't accept that answer. "It's the best method to break her down enough to give in. I swear, Stella - that was all."

"I don't care if it's the 'best method'. Jesus, Mac." Stella bit her lip and turned away, tossing her hair over her shoulder and starting to walk back to the car.

"Stella -" Mac called after her, then walked quickly to catch up to her. He walked behind her, ignoring how much she ignored him and the angry steps she took. "Stella, it wasn't anything personal to you."

"It wasn't, was it?" she snapped, still not looking at him. "Look, Mac - I did the exact same thing this month." She spun around, glaring at the stony look in his eyes. "Are you going to start using your 'method' on me if you need me to do something? If I acted up, would you just go straight to insulting me instead of firing me?" He opened his mouth, then shut it. It made her twice as angry, seeing how lost he was. "If you need me, I'll be in the car, waiting for you to deal with your own mess."

"Stella!" he called after her again as she spun around. "Stella, it wasn't anything about you!" He breathed heavily. "Damnit, Stella. She murdered a man. Without me saying it, we wouldn't be able to test the gun powder."

Searing, Stella faced him, drawing back a hand and bringing it across his face, leaving an even darker red mark on top of Laura's handprint.

"You are the most self-centered bastard I've ever met. _Never_ try to use that as an excuse. In case you haven't noticed, I wasn't in much of a different situation. That was just a step away from you saying that I'm a murderer to my face. And the next time you try that -" She broke off, trying to find words that could break apart his gaze and make him regret it. She couldn't. "I'm going to do more than slap you."

He didn't say anything.

"Have you seen me insult a man who's just as bad as you are? Someone who's guilty of being - being such an _asshole_ since his wife died, Mac? No, I haven't. I'm smart enough to at least keep my mouth shut about these things, alright? I didn't need to know what you really think of me and Frankie, just as you don't need to know anymore than what I'm brave enough to tell you to your face."

She left again, leaving Mac to glance around the sidewalk. The door slammed after her, leaving her alone in the car. She knew that Mac would come within a few minutes, and she could see him stand on the sidewalk, giving her a minute. She took that time realizing that she had several tears going down her cheeks, which she angrily wiped away.

Mac finally walked to the driver's side of the car, climbing in. He held the keys in his hand, but did not put them in the ignition.

"I'm sorry, Stella," he whispered to her. She glanced at him. He stared right back at her, slumped down slightly in his seat.

"It's alright," she muttered back. "Just start the car."

Mac put the keys in the ignition, starting up the car and pulling out of his spot on the street. He drove slowly, allowing people time to get out of the way from his car. Stella continued to stare out the window. The people became blurs soon enough as he picked up speed.

"What was she charged with?" Stella asked.

She knew that he understood what she was talking about. "First she was charged with first degree murder. They had to remove the charge when she proved that it was in self-defense."

Stella nodded. "She must have had a rough time with it."

She didn't add anymore. She already knew how she had gotten off of her own charges - Mac and the rest of them. Somewhere in her mind, she knew that the district attorney and Hillborne had visited Mac and spoken to him several times.

"She did," Mac told her, and Stella knew that he could almost read her mind as he did not go on. "I'm really sorry, Stella."

"It's alright," she answered, voice low, still refusing to look at him.

"But -" Mac hesitated. "What were you talking about?"

"Huh?"

"'You don't need to know anymore than what I'm brave enough to tell to your face'," Mac repeated to her. Stella froze as she heard her words. Even if it was something she knew was completely true, she hadn't wanted Mac to catch onto it. To think that he had dwelled on that line out of everything she'd said made her regret every word of it.

"Nothing. I'm just being stupid." Stella glanced out of the windshield, noticing one of the turns. "Mac, you missed the street. The lab is over there."

"I know I did," he answered. "The lab can wait five minutes - they'll need it to bring her and get any gun powder off of the girl. I'm curious as to what you meant."

"Nothing," she repeated, trying to make her words strong and final, but her voice shook slightly.

"You meant something by it. I know you, Stella. You wouldn't have said it otherwise. I'll keep on driving in circles until you explain something to me."

"You wouldn't," Stella answered, and saw a small flicker of agreement in Mac's face. "You're too concentrated on the case to bother with that."

"I will."

Sighing, Stella asked, "What do you want to know?"

"What did you mean by that?"

Stella fought for her words, carefully choosing each of them in her mind before saying them out loud. They had gotten into streets that she hadn't visited in a long time. Kids scattered from their street games, running off to the sides.

"All I meant was that I wouldn't have said anything to her if you had been in my situation last week." It was the closest Stella wanted to go to her real meaning.

Mac, however, saw right through it. "What else?"

She felt like a child being asked to repeat all of her faults while apologizing, then realized that she was barely better.

"Everyone has faults," she offered, and saw that Mac refused to look at her. His expression was set, the line of his mouth stern, his eyes staring straight forward. "You just happen to… flaunt yours. Is that a good enough answer?"

"Not quite. 'Have you seen me insult a man who's just as bad as you?' I think those were your words."

"I was stressing out!" Stella snapped at him. When he didn't answer, she added, "Sometimes you're guilty of bad things, too. You know that yourself."

Still nothing from him but a sideways glance.

"You've ignored all of us, you've acted weird at times, you've done things that no one's been too fond of. None of us are perfectly emotionally, Mac, and least of all you." She paused and glanced at him. "That's the truth, and don't expect me to try to add any more to that."

Mac looked down slightly as he drove, then the line of his mouth fell slowly until he was left with a frown. "Alright," he said after a moment. "I get it." Stella watched how vulnerable he looked at that moment with his face in that expression. She regretting telling him anything, but it was something she knew that he had to understand after years. "I just don't think I deserved that slap."

Stella grinned slightly at him, glad to see a small smile on his face. "Let me see it." He turned slightly, eyes still trained on the road. It was a darker red than before, almost in the comical shape of a hand. "I'm so sorry for that."

"I deserved it," he said, and Stella almost smiled at his words.

"I'll get you some ice for it once we get back to the lab, alright?" Stella patted his cheek lightly, still smiling at him. "We good?"

"I think so."


End file.
